Trust issues…
“Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him.” Booker T. Washington
Trust is an interesting & complex subject to discuss and even more so to write about. As the old saying goes, “trust is earned, not given”. But is this really true? And should we rethink this position? Wouldn’t assuming someone is trustworthy first open up more possibilities to positive outcomes than the opposite? If we begin a conversation with the assumption that a person cannot be trusted then we are immediately on guard and not necessarily receiving the true message they may be sending. Why does one have to “earn” trust when they have done nothing to prove they are unworthy of our trust to begin with? Why have we become so jaded in our relationships? Does a child meeting a new friend on the playground for the first time ever consider that this new friend is out to get them? Or steal their Mom when they’re not looking? Maybe take a bite of their PB&J and run off with their juice box? Of course not! They ask a simple question, “you wanna play?” and then they run as fast as they can to the monkey bars, or whatever fancy playground equipment is out there now! So when does this become part of our adult routine? When do we start allowing distrust to lead our interactions before a word has even been spoken? & why do we let past heartaches dictate future relationships? Shouldn’t we greet each new person as a blank slate and assume they are here for a genuinely positive experience with us? Sounds very “utopian” doesn’t it? Not really life in 2023 as we typically see it. I admit, I don’t always approach people with this assumption. I question their motives. I am skeptical as to the reason behind their inquiry of me. But I have noticed that when I intentionally allow myself to view this person as a friend, not an adversary, the conversation and interaction is so much lighter, so much more positive, so much more engaging and we typically ask more in-depth questions of each other. I am trying to train myself to lead with this mindset but it’s not always easy. I have been taken advantage of, most of us have, so it’s easy to think that someone new may be after something you’ve got. But maybe what they’re after is simply a conversation to get to know you. Our instincts are pretty good at deciphering good from evil so if we start to sense the motive is not pure, we can excuse ourselves pretty easily & move on.
The garden always teaches me something and lately trust is a big player. I’ve had to learn to trust the system that I am putting in place. It’s not always easy but I’m learning. And it starts with the soil I cultivate & seeds I plant. I have to trust myself that I am using the right compost to amend the previous season’s depleted soil. I have to trust that the seed companies are selling me viable seeds and they are truly organic as they say they are. I have to trust that I am planting at the proper time for seeds to germinate and grow in our short growing season here in North Texas. I have to trust Mother Nature and let her work her magic because it’s so beautiful when it happens. I’m learning which plants to use to attract Monarchs to the garden so they can lay their eggs and feed the babies in order to grow & become these amazing flying creatures moving from flower to flower, not only feeding themselves but helping to pollinate other plants to then feed us! To trust all these bees and wasps flying around my head to not sting me but to play their part in nature and the lifecycles of the seasons. To trust that the squirrels won’t eat all my fruit before we get any. This is, without question, the most difficult one to accept and I’m not always so trusting with these guys. They love peaches as much as any human I’ve ever seen & I’m not sure how many we’re going to get to enjoy! But I’m learning. The system is working and I get better each year. More, and different, life shows up each year. I can’t tell you how many pictures I have on my phone of insects and butterflies and bees and hummingbirds and plants and flowers that I’ve never seen before. It’s so cool to know that I am doing my part, however small, to help in this grand design. To see the native flowers that were here before we were bring beauty and life back that has been missing and trust that my wife won’t divorce me because the pollinator island is a bit more “wild” than she would like it to be. That’s a big trust factor, trust me! But she is also learning to trust. To trust me and to trust the garden. She made the comment a few days ago that she has already used more out of the garden this year than she has the last couple of years and how much she loves just walking outside and picking ingredients to use for our meals or ones she is preparing for her clients. From seed to harvest, she trusts that I am doing my part to grow the most nutritious and delicious food that I can. And I absolutely will not let her down.
We have decided to start hosting a monthly, although that may be altered to every few months depending on associated workload, “eat and greet” at the house to get to know more people around the neighborhood and reconnect with friends we haven’t seen in a while. With the COVID19 lockdown from a few years ago, I think we became accustomed to being homebodies and live in our little bubble, but it has become way too similar to the movie “ Groundhog Day” with life passing us by. Faster and faster by the day it seems. So we have decided to try something new. Invite anyone and everyone that wants to come, show off the garden and talk about the reasons behind it, maybe change some minds on what front yards can be, learn about families we see all the time but maybe have never actually met, reconnect with friends we don’t get to see often because, ya know, life. No pressure to show up, no pressure to even let us know you’re coming, just stop by if you can because we’d love to see you. We’ll see where it leads but I know we’re both so excited to host the first one in a few weeks. We are trusting ourselves to not go overboard like we have in past with our parties. We are trusting friends, old and new, to come by and have a good time, to treat our home and garden with respect, to show up with an open mind and assume we are all here to lead with empathy and acceptance. Everyone is welcome here. Our little bubble is way to small these days and it’s time we stop hearing “I Got You Babe” every morning! Trust us, you won’t want to miss it!
See you in the garden!